Blessings, Not Baggage

Years ago, amidst one of many uphill battles in our stepfamily life, my husband apologized for all of the “baggage” that he brought into our marriage.  From his perspective, I had come into the marriage with no serious relationships, no debt, and no kids – frankly, the only thing I did saddle him with was a couple of fat hamsters. (Yes, you read that correctly, hamsters).  I assured him that I had enough stepmomma drama for the both of us, but looking back, I don’t know that I’ve ever sat down and shared my heart.

Your kids are a blessing.  Seriously, they are amazing little humans.  Even when they drive me crazy, it is never far from my mind that God trusted me with them, and so did you.  You made me a mom!  Maybe not biologically, but in every way that matters to me.

I get you have a past.  You are the man you are today because of your life experiences as a husband and father before me.  Believe it or not, I wouldn’t change a thing – because then I wouldn’t get to do life with you and those beautiful kids.  As Brenda Ockun of Stepmom Magazine says, “Even when it’s good, it’s complicated!” I’m along for the ride.

It’s you and me against the world.  I know that we have to have hard conversations sometimes, but never forget that we are on the same team.  You are the only other person who fully understands the craziness of the life we’ve built together.  I always have your back!  You don’t have to do this alone.

I need you to love Jesus more than you love me.  I want God not just at the center of our marriage, but to come before it.  We have seen firsthand how He can move in our family when our priorities are in order.  You are a worshipper at heart, and I am so drawn to Jesus within you.  Because you follow His lead, I trust you to lead our family.

Stepmommas, it’s easy to forget that our husbands have feelings – and they can be hurt just like us.  The world that we live in can be unkind to single dads, and the rhetoric of “dead beat dads” is not only untrue, it’s harmful to second families.  Will you join me in speaking truth and honor over our husbands as we celebrate them this month?  Your words may be different than mine, but I believe that the impact will be just as powerful!

 

This post was also featured on the Better Than Blended blog.

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