You Don’t Really Want to Be Her

We’ve all been there.  You arrive at the doctor’s office with your husband and stepkid, and for a few short minutes, you hope upon hope that you might not have to say the words, “Oh, I’m ____’s stepmom.”  That you will be able to smile and nod when the nurse calls you ____’s mom and dad, and avoid the awkward conversation altogether.  Or maybe it’s a backyard barbecue at the neighbor’s house, and your husband introduces you as his wife – but you really wish he would’ve just let them assume you’re the mom too.

Friend, can I tell you that you don’t really want to be her?  God created you to be you!

“Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that… Don’t compare yourself with others.  Each of you must take responsibility for doing the best you can with your own life.”  – Galatians 4-5 (MSG)

You are a daughter of the Most High God, blessed, strong and dignified, loved and beloved.  Psalm 139 tells us that we are fearfully and wonderfully made!  God created you for a purpose in this world that only you can fill – and when you try to “be the mom,” you actually leave the area that God called you to steward empty.

Do you know what an impact you, a stepmom, can make in the Kingdom?  I believe blended families are a beautiful picture of God’s grace and restoration.  When your identity is centered in Christ, you are empowered to fight for healthy, authentic relationships with your husband and stepkids.  Is it going to be messy?  Yes.  But you are going to have a front row seat to the miracles God can do when you tell Him that you don’t want anything that’s not yours.


  1. blendingthirteen

    Thanks for this. The hardest thing for me as a step mom (a term I hate, by the way…Disney left an indelible impact) is that I am never going to be their “real mom”. Feeling like an intruder or a babysitter. Thanks for the encouragement.

    1. Brandi

      Thank you for the kind words! I believe you are vocalizing how many stepmoms feel…but are afraid to say. Hang in there – God has you in your stepkids’ lives for a reason!

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